What? It's my birthday?

So after you have WLS there isn't a lot of celebrating on your birthday. You don't have cake (maybe next year), you don't drink alcohol (why waste the calories) and you don't go out to dinner... celebrating with food is just kind of pointless. I eat approx. 550-650 calories daily and don't need 100 of those calories to be taken up by just any old thing.

My friends kept asking what I wanted to do and I couldn't come up with anything. Ben ended up having to work late. So where else does one go? The happiest place on earth, you say? Of course! The yarn store! Yay! Not just any yarn store, but my home away from home - TYF.

Wow! Am I spoiled? Sammy bought me a set of interchangeable addi clicks for my birthday.



Yes, seriously. I have never received such a special gift from a friend. It was a complete and utter surprise. Something I don't think I ever would have done for myself. They are lovely.

Also, I had all kinds of old friends (some I hadn't seen in 20+ years) wish me well on Facebook. It's cheesy, but it was so nice to hear from people I don't always hear from. I think there were probably 100 people on FB wishing me a happy birthday. Crazy.

So, I woke up saying "it doesn't feel like my birthday". I'm going to bed dreaming of the "click, click, click" noise that my new Addis make and missing so many people that I love dearly, wishing I could fly to NY, MN, IL, Greece, Israel, Portland, etc. to see all of my loves.

Yay!

Adventures in Dyeing

Sam came over today. It was the first time that I had company (besides Mom & DH) and I was happy. First, we walked after I oogled over her new hair style. She is so fierce!

We decided to take a trip up to a new yarn/fiber store that's close to my house. I don't intend to call this place home, but I wanted to check it out. Mostly, my interest was piqued by the different fibers available. I had ventured there once before, but it was closed. There is no sign outside, but there is a banner in the door.

I bought some cashmere. I haven't spun with cashmere and Sam & I have been wanting to do some dyeing. We grabbed our 8 oz. and headed to Target for some Kool Aid. They had 3 kinds, we opted for cherry and grape. Looked up some instructions online, thank you free web resources, and got home to go to work.

Love for the kool aid.

Fiber in the pot and on the stove for its dye bath

Stirrin' up the fiber... yummy grape

Dryin' the fiber...

After the grape goodness, we made some red loveliness.

It's all outside now drying on the drying rack, woohoo! Can't wait to spin it up!

On the mend.

Today is post-surgery Day 6. I feel pretty good. Here's a quick recap of the last few days, some have been better than others.

Day of (Thursday): We arrived at the hospital and I was still reeling from the magnesium citrate. That is some nasty stuff. I assumed that things would be moving so quickly that I wouldn't have time to get anxious. Someone had suggested that I see if I can't take something to calm me down once I arrive. I checked in and asked a nurse if something was available to calm my nerves. Nothing. Ben disappeared to go get some food and I was entertained by a philosopher. Seriously, he was a professional, genius philosopher that kept me busy thinking about hyperbolic geometry and how it relates to knitting. At some point, I want to read this book - Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes. Ben came back, my Mom showed up and then we waited. Waited and waited. Finally, around 3pmish I went back to pre-op and had a hard time with the IV. I did it, though, and it ended up being ok. One thing I was not expecting was the shot of heparin in my stomach; that hurt more than the IV. The rest was sort of a blur. Lots of nurses giving me lots of attention. My surgeon and her NP showing up to make me laugh and the anesthesiologist who was mild and kind.

I woke up in a post-op waiting area and it was the longest hour of my life before I could be transferred to my room to see my family and have some water. I was pretty out of it, but aware. When they rolled me up to my room, I remember waiving to the nurse's station like I was on a parade float. I was in pretty good spirits. A male nurse came in and helped me get settled. He was great, unfortunately, he left an hour after I arrived. That night was not much fun and I mostly attribute that to the nurse whose care I was left in. I was uncomfortable and unhappy. My Mom stayed with me until about 3 in the morning and I was glad she was there because Nurse Ratchet was just too much.

Day 1, Post-Op(Friday): Nurse Nasty left about 7:30am and I was relieved when I got a new nurse. I didn't take the final shot of heparin, which I remained paranoid about for a couple of days. I thought Nurse Nasty had put a vex on me and that I was going to get a blood clot because I refused to take the final shot. My new nurse ordered me some clear liquids and made sure I had everything I needed, the aides were also awesome. RV came to visit and brought me some lovely flowers and a fitness magazine. We went for one of my many walks; I walked a lot... as much as possible. It was very hard to get up and down, but the walking wasn't too bad. My MIL & SIL showed up while RV was visiting. He headed out and I visited with them for a bit. The surgeon and the NP also showed up (at separate times) to check on me. The NP thought my incisions looked good and she thought I was so funny after anesthesia. She said that right before I fell asleep I said "this is going to be a 5-star experience". I was discharged about 12pm.

DH stopped at Chompie's... seriously... on the way home. I prepared for more days of herbal tea, chicken broth and jello. The car ride home was uncomfortable. When I got home, I was pretty cranky. I slept a lot and it was very hard to get in and out of bed. I mostly sat on the love seat at home.

Day 2, Post Op (Saturday): I don't remember much about this day. I had soreness in my calves and was worried (no convinced now) that Nurse Bitch was also a witch who had special magical blood clot powers. I was mostly uncomfortable and took a lot of lortab, pain medication. I was supposed to shower, but Ben convinced me to wait until the next day since I was so sore. I walked a lot, despite being sore. I didn't sleep in my bed, stayed on the love seat.

Day 3, Post Op (Sunday): By 5am, my ankles were pretty swollen and I called my mom to come and give me her opinion as to whether or not I had blood clots. Mom got their a couple of hours later and she said that so much sitting up was probably not the best. She suggested putting my legs up and, sure enough, she was right. So my attempt to avoid the blood clots, actually caused me more discomfort. She convinced me that I was ok and suggested that I shower. Ben helped me shower and it didn't go to badly. I finally started feeling more normal by the end of Sunday. I still couldn't really sleep in bed for very long, too hard to get up and down. Still walking.

Day 4, Post Op (Monday): By now, I was hungry and done with the clear liquids. I considered, carefully, what I was going to eat for my first meal. I reviewed the info provided and came up with some ideas. DH took me to the grocery store after my breakfast of herbal tea.

I was so excited about my first meal, but also very aware that it could lead to throwing up. Here is what I had: sliced turkey from the deli with laughing cow lite cheese spread, canned french green beans (for the softness) and watermelon. I put it all on a small plate and used some baby utensils that DH had bought the night before. Set a timer (for 20 minutes) and couldn't believe that I only ate half of what was on my plate. I was careful to eat small bites and chew a lot. I was full, but not "full"... more like very satisfied. No throwing up - woohoo! Dinner included more turkey/laughing cow rollups, mashed cauliflower (South Beach Mashed Potatoes) and watermelon. It was going very well and I felt much better.

Day 5, Post Op (Tuesday): Yesterday, I craved a lot of foods that I wouldn't normally even eat - like fried chicken. I think I've eaten fried chicken a total of 8 times in my life... maybe. Instead, I walked a lot and ate the following. Breakfast: eggbeaters, cottage cheese, morning star sausage and watermelon; Lunch: refried beans, enchilada sauce, reduced fat cheese, green beans and watermelon; Dinner: turkey meatballs (with parmesean instead of bread crumbs), mashed cauliflower and watermelon. I know it sounds like a lot of food, but I'm not eating more than a 1/2-1 cup of food. Very, very small portions. I'm also making sure I drink 64 oz. of water daily and sometimes I feel like it is too much too fast. I'm burping a lot when I eat and from what I hear that's normal for some people. I'm not embarrassed of it, but for some people it is really embarrassing.

I also went to the Dr.'s office today. My incisions look good; the NP told me I had great skin and that some of my incisions look like cosmetic surgery incisions, I guess that's a compliment. I've already lost 6 pounds since last week. Pretty remarkable, since post surgery (filled with liquid and air) I was 12 pounds heavier a few days prior.

Today (Day 6):

I slept pretty well in bed and had an easier time getting in and out. Last night was the first time I was able to get in and out on my own. I'm about to get up and start walking. Then, it's shower time and breakfast. I'm knitting more, but haven't really been as interested in it. Not sure why.

LOL! A commercial for xenedrine just came on and it made me think back to when I've tried that and other drugs in the past. No more Xenedrine ever... ;)

Gearing Up

In just a few minutes, I'm going to start getting my things together in preparation for the hospital.

Magnesium citrate is the devil. I took it around 3pm (yesterday) and I'm still feeling the effects this morning. I don't think it's supposed to last this long. The bottle had said just six hours. As one can imagine, I didn't sleep very well last night.

I've been trying to rehearse the mantra "attitude is everything". I go from being terrified to confident. I know that in a week, I won't remember the majority of the experience.

I'm going to try to do a little yoga before I leave, I hope it will calm me down.

The First Mile

I feel like I've completed the first mile in my journey. I have taken education classes. Gone through with the lab work; a feat, due to my fear of needles. Spoken with other individuals online. Attended a support group. Conducted my research.

I think the first mile was the roughest. I think, mostly, it's the fear of the unknown. Some of my fears were squashed yesterday. I met some people who were willing to physically show me their experiences. That was really helpful because I can compare what I will look like in a week and in several months.

I also discovered, yesterday, that I am insulin resistant. What? Seriously? I guess it makes sense. Inevitably, my glucose level will go down from the surgery and just in time - a bit higher and I would have ended up with diabetes.

Today, I have to eat relatively light. Tomorrow, it's only a light breakfast for me and then clear broth. Thursday, is the day.

Ah, Fall Harvest

It's officially fall here in Arizona. The leaves don't change colors. The smell of burning leaves does not fill the air. You do not need a jacket yet. What does happen, however, is that the temperature drops to below 100. You can still run around in shorts and sandals, but it's much more comfortable. I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to venture down to Apple Annie's Orchard. A lot of Phoenicians have never been there. Primarily because it is about 3 hours away form Phoenix in Wilcox, which is past Tucson. A few years ago, Ben and I ventured down there and he continually asked me if we were there yet. Fortunately, Sam was interested in taking a little road trip and Sterling joined us too.

We left town around 11amish and we were in the car for over 3 hours. We did get a little loopy at one point singing at the top of our lungs to the Violent Femmes, that is Sam and I sang out of the top of our lungs and Sterling was armed with a loudly blaring ipod to drown out our singing.
Pictures of us in the car:



On our way to Wilcox, we continued to see these billboards for "The Thing?" There must have been about 20 of them are so. Our curiosity got the better of us later and we stopped at "The Thing?" on our way back. We made up several stories in our head what "The Thing?" could be.



Finally, we arrived! There was much rejoicing! First things first, we needed to grab some lunch. It was almost 2:30, afterall. We enjoyed our lunches of applewood smoked burgers and relaxed at some picnic tables shaded by asian pear trees. Unfortunately, there were no more asian pears. The season had come and gone without us enjoying a single one from Annie's. We picked apples. Sterling was quite good at picking apples, he has that height that's helpful. I think he quite enjoyed it, wanting to pick more apples than any of us could eat.


We had our fill of apples after consuming some apple crumb pie (that was delicious!) and headed over to the produce and pumpkin area that "Annie" owns. So many sunflowers! When we pulled up, we immediately noticed the sunflowers. They were so beautiful!


We boarded a hayride and drove out to the pumpkin patch to pick our own pumpkins.
Sam & Sterling on the hayride:



We went out to the pumpkin patch and marveled at how many pumpkins there were. So many! Erick, Sam's DH, requested that we find the odd-shaped ones for him. We couldn't find many, they were all nearly perfect. They were huge! There were also several green ones, which was cool. They vines are prickly and we weren't prepared for the "workout" that ensued. Sterling picked his perfect pumpkin, Sam picked one for Erick and I grabbed one. Then, we headed over to the produce market. We opted to not pick our own and just grab what was already picked. I got some peppers, sweet corn, acorn squash and green beans for Ben.

We had a full day of picking and were ready to head home. Not before we stopped at "The Thing?". I had conjured up more ideas, since we saw signs saying "don't park within 100 feet of this area". Sam went up to the counter and told the man, "Three for The Thing?, please." It was so funny.



We went up to the door and followed the golden footsteps. Here is some of what we saw:




As you can tell, we saw lots of "things". This guy that put the 3 buildings together had a "thing" for antiques. Lots of interesting things. Now that our curiosity was satisfied, it was time to get back on the road.

About an hour later, we saw the most beautiful sunset. It started out yellowish, then moved on to hues of orange and pink. We contemplated yarn that would incorporate the beauty of the colors that we played witness to.





We had a good time, but I don't know that we will make that drive again. Maybe if we do something in Tucson the day before and spend the night. We were all exhausted when we got home.

One Week Countdown

One week out until my WLS (weight loss surgery).

There are times when I regret my decision to let people "in" and share this experience with people. I wanted to share the information with only a few individuals and I've since become pretty open and honest about it. I don't think it's anyone's business and I don't think that sharing something that is such a personal decision is the best idea, BUT I think back to the shameful feelings that I used to carry around and know that I have to be open and honest about it. It is a source of strength for me and I hope it will be for other individuals going through similar experiences.

People have strong thoughts about my choice and they should. Surgery is a major event that could occur in a person's life. It is not something to be taken lightly. It is not a magic pill that one takes to suddenly become thin. It is a weight loss tool and one that is not for everyone. Mostly, people have been extremely supportive. Close friends that were initially concerned about my decision have become my biggest cheerleaders. Of course, there is the flip side. Complete strangers who overhear a conversation and feel that it is up to them to "educate" you and "save" your life. Friends, who you no longer feel safe enough with to share the most intimate details of your life and coming to the conclusion that they aren't really friends at all.

Beyond the emotional process of sharing, contemplating, reflecting, etc., there is the physical process of it all. Having to lose weight prior to the surgery and being consumed with it. Going to the gym regularly; which, I enjoy, but now it's more important than ever. Doing the 30-20-30 thing: stopping liquids 30 minutes prior to meal time, eating for 20 minutes without liquid and beginning liquids again after 30 minutes. Submitting to labs and blood tests, which have been the most difficult for me since I am/was terrified of needles. Figuring out what I am actually going to be able to eat after surgery.

I'm scared, excited, hesitant, determined, nervous, driven - I am all of these things. Most of all, I feel like I'm ready. Ready to let go of the past and embrace the future - this is the hardest obstacle.