One Week Countdown

One week out until my WLS (weight loss surgery).

There are times when I regret my decision to let people "in" and share this experience with people. I wanted to share the information with only a few individuals and I've since become pretty open and honest about it. I don't think it's anyone's business and I don't think that sharing something that is such a personal decision is the best idea, BUT I think back to the shameful feelings that I used to carry around and know that I have to be open and honest about it. It is a source of strength for me and I hope it will be for other individuals going through similar experiences.

People have strong thoughts about my choice and they should. Surgery is a major event that could occur in a person's life. It is not something to be taken lightly. It is not a magic pill that one takes to suddenly become thin. It is a weight loss tool and one that is not for everyone. Mostly, people have been extremely supportive. Close friends that were initially concerned about my decision have become my biggest cheerleaders. Of course, there is the flip side. Complete strangers who overhear a conversation and feel that it is up to them to "educate" you and "save" your life. Friends, who you no longer feel safe enough with to share the most intimate details of your life and coming to the conclusion that they aren't really friends at all.

Beyond the emotional process of sharing, contemplating, reflecting, etc., there is the physical process of it all. Having to lose weight prior to the surgery and being consumed with it. Going to the gym regularly; which, I enjoy, but now it's more important than ever. Doing the 30-20-30 thing: stopping liquids 30 minutes prior to meal time, eating for 20 minutes without liquid and beginning liquids again after 30 minutes. Submitting to labs and blood tests, which have been the most difficult for me since I am/was terrified of needles. Figuring out what I am actually going to be able to eat after surgery.

I'm scared, excited, hesitant, determined, nervous, driven - I am all of these things. Most of all, I feel like I'm ready. Ready to let go of the past and embrace the future - this is the hardest obstacle.